


Chains

by still_lycoris



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Community: hc_bingo, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-02
Updated: 2016-01-02
Packaged: 2018-05-11 04:26:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5613889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/still_lycoris/pseuds/still_lycoris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are things Merlin simply can't tell Gwaine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chains

There are things that Merlin can’t tell Gwaine.

A lot of things.

Which made life rather difficult.

At first, Gwaine didn’t seem to mind that. He didn’t seem to mind very much really. He was enjoying being with Merlin and living in Camelot. Well, most of Camelot. Gwaine hadn’t quite settled into the rules of being a knight yet and needed extracting from trouble quite regularly. The other knights often stepped in but fairly often, it was Merlin that people fetched when someone needed to rescue Gwaine.

Particularly if he was in the tavern.

“I think we should just not let you into the tavern,” he told Gwaine one evening after being summoned to collect him, again. “I think Arthur’s going to agree with me too.”

“Oh, Arthur. Pfft,” was the response. Gwaine was always at his grumpiest regarding Arthur when he was drunk. He let Merlin drop him onto his bed and propped himself up on an elbow, staring at him. “Why do you always care so much about what Arthur thinks?”

Merlin tried not to fidget. He never liked this question very much. It was too … personal. A small boat floating on murky, murky waters.

“I’ve told you. Arthur’s a good man.”

“Is that really it?”

Gwaine suddenly sounded a lot less drunk. His eyes had gone sharp as he stared at Merlin and Merlin swallowed, suddenly uneasy. He wasn’t sure that he wanted to have this conversation. 

No. Actually, he knew for a fact that he _didn’t_ want to have this conversation.

“It’s not that I mind,” Gwaine was saying and he sounded like he was picking his words carefully. “But I’m a nosy kind of guy. And I can’t help but what you and our dear prince and wonder if maybe one of the reasons you like him so much is maybe because of something else other than just his … good man status.”

Merlin couldn’t look at him. He stared at the floor instead, trying to find words to explain and knowing that he couldn’t. Not words that Gwaine would understand.

Gwaine was waiting for him to confess love. Perhaps an unrequited thing that plagued Merlin’s thoughts or perhaps some sort of affair that he and Arthur had agreed upon that had either broken off when Arthur had fallen for Gwen or continued on, with or without Gwen’s knowledge. Merlin knew neither of these things were impossible. And he _did_ love Arthur so that much _was_ true …

It was only that that love was so much deeper and more complicated than Gwaine could imagine.

Nobody knew what it was to be a slave to a destiny. Even Gaius didn’t really understand and he _knew_ about the destiny that Merlin had to live. Sometimes, when Merlin tried to think about it, it tied his head up in knots. He’d been put here, in this world _for_ Arthur. That was why he’d been born. And in some ways, that was a relief. So many years spent thinking there was something wrong with him, that he was some sort of freak …

But in other ways, it was frightening. Unbelievably frightening. So much relied on him, so much … and he couldn’t tell anybody. Telling Gwaine might put him in danger, would certainly strain his loyalties, both of these things were true. And the more people that knew before Arthur, the angrier Arthur would be, the more hurt and that might result in things that Merlin didn’t want … and it wasn’t fair, it wasn’t fair to hurt the people around him because he was stuck with something that he couldn’t change.

But Merlin knew there was another reason now. Maybe it was more now that he didn’t know how to _start_ talking about it. He was so very trapped and he didn’t think there was any real escape.

You could become enmeshed in secret keeping. You could become trapped by it. Defined by your own lies. And Merlin was beginning to realise that just maybe he’d been lying for so long that he didn’t know how to stop lying any longer.

“Hey. Come back.”

Gwaine was looking at him, his expression sad now. He gave a sigh and gesturing for Merlin to come over. Merlin obeyed, letting Gwaine pull him into what was definitely a cuddle. He stroked Merlin’s hair, then gave him a kiss on the forehead.

“It’s all right. You don’t have to tell me. Sticking my nose in where it doesn’t belong, I get it. I like you anyway, you know?”

Merlin did know. And he appreciated it. He liked Gwaine so, so much. Maybe more than he’d ever liked anybody that wasn’t Gwen … or Arthur. And it meant he wasn’t alone and that was something that mattered to him, mattered a lot.

But he did wonder just how long Gwaine would continue to like _him_ as long as he had to carry his chains.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for 12dayschristmas and hc_bingo


End file.
